Georgia,
This is a big one. This is a big word. I'm 38 and I'm just now wrapping my head around what it means to be mindful.
I had heard it as an adolescent, I'm sure..."be mindful of your actions," "be mindful of what you say to others," and "be mindful of the way you respond."
But the type of mindfulness I want to expose you to early on is this: a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations...
Sweetie, mindfulness is one of those things that will help you through the insanely hard times. When you find yourself reflecting on the past and worried about the future, you MUST bring yourself to the present. It's why it's called the present. Because it's a gift:
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
― Bil Keane
What does mindfulness look like to Mommy? I'm still learning so bear with me, but darling....
When my thoughts of worry, sadness, anxiety, fear, etc. won't jump off the hamster wheel...mindfulness is recognizing those feelings for what they are. Literally, saying to myself "this is just anxiety..." and once recognized it feels less paralyzing.
Mindfulness is having an hour to spend with you and your brother and me putting down my phone or telling someone we can have that conversation later and engaging in whatever activity you want me to engage in. Whether it's chasing Preston around the house because it makes him laugh uncontrollably or it's helping you build a zip line for your Barbie because I absolutely love seeing your creativity at work.
Allowing my mind and my heart to be right there in that moment with you is mindfulness and what is ultimately healthy and healing for my soul.
And sweetie, it's a practice. They call it a practice because I'm not going to be perfect at it 100% of the time. However, now that I'm aware of what it is and how to accomplish it...I will continue to craft this practice. For you, for me, for Preston and for Daddy.
I know this is deep and I have no idea when I'll give you access to these thoughts of mine, but I try to record what matters to me in hopes you can feel warmth from it, love from it, reflect on it, and learn from it.
I love you most,
Mommy
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Friday, September 1, 2017
What I want you to know about building relationships...
Sweet peach,
As you grow up, adults will always ask you questions. How was your day? What was your favorite part of the trip? How is school? Who is your boyfriend? What do you want to be when you grow up?
You're engaging, you're social, you're interesting, and adults love hearing from you.
There will be a time in your life when you loathe answering questions from adults. And there will be a time in your life when you feel the world must revolve around you because of how interested the adults are in your life.
Let me gently share this....
Adults DO love hearing from kids and tapping into their minds. But sweetie, to build relationships yourself, YOU have to ask the questions.
You have to be interested in learning about another person whether they are family or friend. Just because they are family doesn't mean you know them well. Take the time, ask your questions, get to know them...just like you would do any.other.friend.
And darling, if you and your brother grow up with different interests and different opinions don't let that keep you from building and nurturing the relationship with him. The love you have for each other will ALWAYS be mutual because you're siblings, but it will be a lot more fun along the way if you know and like each other as friends as well. And to be friends, you have to ask questions to learn who he is.
Don't assume someone else will ask the questions because that's what happened throughout your youth. You want to become the one who asks questions. There is so much value and gratitude in the more you learn about the people you surround yourself with and especially family.
Make an effort my darling. Be a good friend by not only extending yourself, but learning more about those you surround yourself with. Everyone likes to be asked questions, to be cared about and to be considered. Be the one who asks the questions.
I love you Georgia,
Mom
As you grow up, adults will always ask you questions. How was your day? What was your favorite part of the trip? How is school? Who is your boyfriend? What do you want to be when you grow up?
You're engaging, you're social, you're interesting, and adults love hearing from you.
There will be a time in your life when you loathe answering questions from adults. And there will be a time in your life when you feel the world must revolve around you because of how interested the adults are in your life.
Let me gently share this....
Adults DO love hearing from kids and tapping into their minds. But sweetie, to build relationships yourself, YOU have to ask the questions.
You have to be interested in learning about another person whether they are family or friend. Just because they are family doesn't mean you know them well. Take the time, ask your questions, get to know them...just like you would do any.other.friend.
And darling, if you and your brother grow up with different interests and different opinions don't let that keep you from building and nurturing the relationship with him. The love you have for each other will ALWAYS be mutual because you're siblings, but it will be a lot more fun along the way if you know and like each other as friends as well. And to be friends, you have to ask questions to learn who he is.
Don't assume someone else will ask the questions because that's what happened throughout your youth. You want to become the one who asks questions. There is so much value and gratitude in the more you learn about the people you surround yourself with and especially family.
Make an effort my darling. Be a good friend by not only extending yourself, but learning more about those you surround yourself with. Everyone likes to be asked questions, to be cared about and to be considered. Be the one who asks the questions.
I love you Georgia,
Mom
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Putting one foot in front of the other...
We may not go to church every Sunday, but leaning on my Faith is all I know to do at a time like this, Georgia. And listening to music gives me peace, helps me find the words to talk to God and gives me GREAT comfort.
"Oh, my soul
Oh, how you worry
Oh, how you're weary, from fearing you lost control
This was the one thing, you didn't see coming
And no one would blame you, though
If you cried in private
If you tried to hide it away, so no one knows
No one will see, if you stop believing
Oh, my soul
You are not alone
There's a place where fear has to face the God you
know
One more day He will make a way
Let Him show you how, you can lay this down
'Cause you're not alone"
-Casting Crowns (one of my favorites, sweet peach)
Here's what else I know about coping in this unimaginable time of heartache:
You must be mindful. What does that mean?
It means, when your mind goes to the 'what if' or your mind reflects on 'what was' you MUST pull yourself into the present.
Listen for the birds singing. Look for the person you can hold the door for. Respond with a pleasant greeting to the person who just greeted you.
Be mindful. Appreciate the day you are given.
Secondly, understand that experiencing joy is okay. Laughing is okay.
Just this past week our family got the most joy out of a .25 cent bouncy ball, a box for an oversized chair, and an impromptu dance party. The laughter that filled this house was immeasurable and just the medicine my soul needed.
If you find yourself in pain, in heartache, don't ignore the joyful things around it.
Life is going to knock you down. It's not a matter of if - it will. And it's how you get up and respond to it that matters.
Your daddy and I love you dearly and we will try as we may to cushion your fall, but you will fall. That's life.
But you get up sweet peach, no matter how hard it may feel, and you stand up again...putting one.foot.in.front.of.the.other until you realize you don't have to think about it so much anymore. It may take awhile. Be patient. Have faith. And know...you're not alone.
All my love,
Mom
"Oh, my soul
Oh, how you worry
Oh, how you're weary, from fearing you lost control
This was the one thing, you didn't see coming
And no one would blame you, though
If you cried in private
If you tried to hide it away, so no one knows
No one will see, if you stop believing
Oh, my soul
You are not alone
There's a place where fear has to face the God you
know
One more day He will make a way
Let Him show you how, you can lay this down
'Cause you're not alone"
-Casting Crowns (one of my favorites, sweet peach)
Here's what else I know about coping in this unimaginable time of heartache:
You must be mindful. What does that mean?
It means, when your mind goes to the 'what if' or your mind reflects on 'what was' you MUST pull yourself into the present.
Listen for the birds singing. Look for the person you can hold the door for. Respond with a pleasant greeting to the person who just greeted you.
Be mindful. Appreciate the day you are given.
Secondly, understand that experiencing joy is okay. Laughing is okay.
Just this past week our family got the most joy out of a .25 cent bouncy ball, a box for an oversized chair, and an impromptu dance party. The laughter that filled this house was immeasurable and just the medicine my soul needed.
If you find yourself in pain, in heartache, don't ignore the joyful things around it.
Life is going to knock you down. It's not a matter of if - it will. And it's how you get up and respond to it that matters.
Your daddy and I love you dearly and we will try as we may to cushion your fall, but you will fall. That's life.
But you get up sweet peach, no matter how hard it may feel, and you stand up again...putting one.foot.in.front.of.the.other until you realize you don't have to think about it so much anymore. It may take awhile. Be patient. Have faith. And know...you're not alone.
All my love,
Mom
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Dear Jason,
"While you were sleeping..."
I immediately thought about how we just started saying "love you" at the end of our telephone conversations a few years ago. And I'm so grateful.
I thought about how our relationship has grown in the last few years in the most wonderful way. I call you for advice, you call me for advice, we enjoy each other's company, we relate as adults, etc.
And then I thought about the relationship we had as kids...
You have always been my protective older brother. Always told me what is right and what is wrong. And always made clear the boys I will date and the boys I will not date.
And yet, no mistaking, I was the rule follower between us two. Mom would punish you and I would cry. Cry my eyes out, in fact. So hurt at the thought that you were hurting.
And then there was Aunt Evelyn's. Our Great Aunt who lived in Washington, DC. Very proper lifestyle, not a kid-friendly abode. And yet you would find a way to make it hysterical by holding my legs over my head until I farted. No point in mincing words now, right?
Jase, I wish this would all go away. I wish you were doing what you do...being loud, opinionated and assertive.
But that's not where we are.
You're vulnerable. You're weak, but strong. You're sleeping, but fighting. You're oblivious, but aware.
Ending our phone conversations with "love you" has never been enough for me, but I settled. But I guarantee, when you wake...I will inundate you with how much I love and respect you. You are a warrior. Always have been. And I haven't been respectful of that until now.
I love you Bubba. Keep Fighting.
Brandi
I immediately thought about how we just started saying "love you" at the end of our telephone conversations a few years ago. And I'm so grateful.
I thought about how our relationship has grown in the last few years in the most wonderful way. I call you for advice, you call me for advice, we enjoy each other's company, we relate as adults, etc.
And then I thought about the relationship we had as kids...
You have always been my protective older brother. Always told me what is right and what is wrong. And always made clear the boys I will date and the boys I will not date.
And yet, no mistaking, I was the rule follower between us two. Mom would punish you and I would cry. Cry my eyes out, in fact. So hurt at the thought that you were hurting.
And then there was Aunt Evelyn's. Our Great Aunt who lived in Washington, DC. Very proper lifestyle, not a kid-friendly abode. And yet you would find a way to make it hysterical by holding my legs over my head until I farted. No point in mincing words now, right?
Jase, I wish this would all go away. I wish you were doing what you do...being loud, opinionated and assertive.
But that's not where we are.
You're vulnerable. You're weak, but strong. You're sleeping, but fighting. You're oblivious, but aware.
Ending our phone conversations with "love you" has never been enough for me, but I settled. But I guarantee, when you wake...I will inundate you with how much I love and respect you. You are a warrior. Always have been. And I haven't been respectful of that until now.
I love you Bubba. Keep Fighting.
Brandi
Saturday, June 3, 2017
How May 20, 2017 changed our lives...
In an instant, we were shown how an accident can be so costly.
We were reminded how our lives on earth can be cut short so unexpectedly.
We were shown, no matter how good of a life you THINK you're living...you are not exempt from unimaginable, breathtaking, heartache and pain.
May 20, 2017 was the day my brother Jason was thrown off his dirt bike into a tree, without a helmet, suffering severe brain injury.
On the positive side...
This day has taught us the meaning of praying sincerely. When you tell someone you're going to pray, you should mean it. You should bow to your knees and add them to your prayer list because they are banking on it. We're all guilty of saying "I'm praying" and life gets in the way and you forget to literally speak that name and that request to God. From this point forward, I vow to pray when I say I'm going to pray.
Pray with intention and persistence. That is my reminder.
This day has taught us how much the presence of family means. It's so easy to operate in silos when things are going well and get together 'when you can.' But the reality of what we've learned is you don't know when you have 'more time' so why not take advantage of the time you have? I'm so grateful for everyone who made the effort to get together at mom and dad's, including Jason and his family, just two weeks before the accident.
Make time for family, just like you do for your friends and other activities. That is my reminder.
This day has taught us we don't know our family as well as we think we do. And for shame. I vow to ask more questions of Jason when he wakes. I vow to learn more about my parents as we are leaning on each other and hoping against hope our immediate family is restored to a family of 4. We also pray fiercely that Jason is returned to Hunter and Christy fully restored in mind, body and spirit; that is my primary prayer request.
Live selflessly and not selfishly. Inquire about others more often. That is my reminder.
This day has taught me to live more in the present. Appreciate the really small things. In Jason's recovery, you can't allow yourself to fast forward or think 'what if.' Your mind, to protect your heart, has to stay exactly where he is each day. And when I think about the stress of raising my toddlers, it's HARD to stay in that moment at times. But when I think about how LITERALLY my mom would go back to that moment right now, raising me and Jason...a time machine of sorts, I'm reminded to live more presently.
Don't try to escape the present or project the future. Live in and for each moment...as it's the moments that build the lifetime.
It's been two weeks since the accident. We're seeing God's work in Jason and through ALL the people in our lives who are showing support in so MANY different ways and praying.
"The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow."
Thank you all for your prayers.
We were reminded how our lives on earth can be cut short so unexpectedly.
We were shown, no matter how good of a life you THINK you're living...you are not exempt from unimaginable, breathtaking, heartache and pain.
May 20, 2017 was the day my brother Jason was thrown off his dirt bike into a tree, without a helmet, suffering severe brain injury.
On the positive side...
This day has taught us the meaning of praying sincerely. When you tell someone you're going to pray, you should mean it. You should bow to your knees and add them to your prayer list because they are banking on it. We're all guilty of saying "I'm praying" and life gets in the way and you forget to literally speak that name and that request to God. From this point forward, I vow to pray when I say I'm going to pray.
Pray with intention and persistence. That is my reminder.
This day has taught us how much the presence of family means. It's so easy to operate in silos when things are going well and get together 'when you can.' But the reality of what we've learned is you don't know when you have 'more time' so why not take advantage of the time you have? I'm so grateful for everyone who made the effort to get together at mom and dad's, including Jason and his family, just two weeks before the accident.
Make time for family, just like you do for your friends and other activities. That is my reminder.
This day has taught us we don't know our family as well as we think we do. And for shame. I vow to ask more questions of Jason when he wakes. I vow to learn more about my parents as we are leaning on each other and hoping against hope our immediate family is restored to a family of 4. We also pray fiercely that Jason is returned to Hunter and Christy fully restored in mind, body and spirit; that is my primary prayer request.
Live selflessly and not selfishly. Inquire about others more often. That is my reminder.
This day has taught me to live more in the present. Appreciate the really small things. In Jason's recovery, you can't allow yourself to fast forward or think 'what if.' Your mind, to protect your heart, has to stay exactly where he is each day. And when I think about the stress of raising my toddlers, it's HARD to stay in that moment at times. But when I think about how LITERALLY my mom would go back to that moment right now, raising me and Jason...a time machine of sorts, I'm reminded to live more presently.
Don't try to escape the present or project the future. Live in and for each moment...as it's the moments that build the lifetime.
It's been two weeks since the accident. We're seeing God's work in Jason and through ALL the people in our lives who are showing support in so MANY different ways and praying.
"The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow."
Thank you all for your prayers.
Monday, March 6, 2017
We're both learning...
I'm not even sure where to start because I'm still hoping it's just a full moon...or you hung out with a new kid at school today.
But when I dropped you off this morning - you were 4.
And when I picked you up, you seemed 13.
As you ran towards the door at daycare, amidst a few of your friends, you were giggling uncontrollably and seemingly unaware of Preston and I behind you and my need for us to walk orderly to the parking lot.
You're learning that you really WILL be okay if you're not always holding my hand.
On the way home, you fussed and grunted; tried communicating to me through anger with bursts of loud noises and more grunts. When I told you "I don't speak that language" you continued and demanded I "turn the music on right now."
You're learning we may not always speak the same language and at times it will feel like we're on two different planets.
I told you, in a VERY stern voice, not to speak to me that way and reminded you you knew how to ask nicely for something you wanted. I got....silence. (The key here is silence...not tears, as you normally would have cried with that tone.)
And that's when MY eyes welled up with tears as I drove us all towards the house.
You're learning you won't always feel like saying it nicely. You won't always feel like cooperating. And you want always feel like being told what to do.
I'm learning that you are becoming YOU.
That doesn't mean I think today's behavior is the new you, but it does foreshadow what's ahead of us darling.
You are going to grow into a person separate from me and your dad. You will have your own likes and dislikes, some we relate to and many we won't. We will laugh together, but we will also argue.
Yet one thing will always remain: we love you more. We will ALWAYS love you more our sweet peach.
I love you,
Mom
But when I dropped you off this morning - you were 4.
And when I picked you up, you seemed 13.
As you ran towards the door at daycare, amidst a few of your friends, you were giggling uncontrollably and seemingly unaware of Preston and I behind you and my need for us to walk orderly to the parking lot.
You're learning that you really WILL be okay if you're not always holding my hand.
On the way home, you fussed and grunted; tried communicating to me through anger with bursts of loud noises and more grunts. When I told you "I don't speak that language" you continued and demanded I "turn the music on right now."
You're learning we may not always speak the same language and at times it will feel like we're on two different planets.
I told you, in a VERY stern voice, not to speak to me that way and reminded you you knew how to ask nicely for something you wanted. I got....silence. (The key here is silence...not tears, as you normally would have cried with that tone.)
And that's when MY eyes welled up with tears as I drove us all towards the house.
You're learning you won't always feel like saying it nicely. You won't always feel like cooperating. And you want always feel like being told what to do.
I'm learning that you are becoming YOU.
That doesn't mean I think today's behavior is the new you, but it does foreshadow what's ahead of us darling.
You are going to grow into a person separate from me and your dad. You will have your own likes and dislikes, some we relate to and many we won't. We will laugh together, but we will also argue.
Yet one thing will always remain: we love you more. We will ALWAYS love you more our sweet peach.
I love you,
Mom
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Happy 1st Year!
Today is your brother's first birthday.
And it's also the 1 year anniversary of you becoming a big sister!
I'm seriously not sure which was more fun to celebrate today so we reveled in them both.
I think the last time I talked about your brother on here was the night before he was born. Oh, I was feeling so emotional at the thought of you giving up your only child status and the thought of going back to newborn life when raising you had seemed to become so easy.
But before I go on....If I know anything in this world it is that my heart GREW on this day 1 year ago. It grew beyond the capacity I knew was possible and the two of you - together - complete our family.
Georgia, you are the BEST big sister we could've asked for. You have never once asked us to return him, you have never hit him, pushed him, you've hardly fussed at him, never whined when he was crying, and you always want him around. Okay truth - when you're trying to play Barbies and he comes over like the Michelin man rolling around and grabbing things ...you show a little irritation then, but only a little. :)
You entertain him. He LOVES watching you. You keep an eye out for his safety (as best as 4 year olds can). You suggest things you think he'd like (some on point...some a bit beyond his year). You can't wait for him to talk. To you, he's already said several words, real words, and that's okay - I'm sure one day you guys really will speak a language that only siblings understand.
You comfort him tirelessly. You are so extremely patient with him. Patient beyond your 4.5 years in my opinion. When he cries, you tell him it's going to be okay and that we're right here "Buddy." It's often while you've got one eye on the tv and/or your Barbie, but it's adorable nonetheless.
You like to tickle him too. You get that from your love of rough housing with your dad. Your version of tickling looks a little rough so we have to reel you in at times, but your dad and I think it's so cute when you guys laugh together.
You've given him nicknames like "Big Doughnut," "Goo goo," and "Nugget." Your casual use of these names as if they were his given name cracks me up every time.
Georgia - you are a funny girl with a genuine sense of humor and still one of the most contagious laughs I've ever heard.
Thank you for being our big helper this year and Preston's incredible Big Sister. We are so blessed by both of you.
And I leave you with this sweet peach, never forget that you'll always be his big sister. Don't let years or differences or distance break your bond. He's your only sibling. He'll be the only other one who knows what you endured by putting up with us, your parents, for 18 years. My wish for you is that you will be the best of friends and the love you share will be bursting at the seams.
Happy 1 year big sis. We are so proud of you!
Love,
Mom
And it's also the 1 year anniversary of you becoming a big sister!
I'm seriously not sure which was more fun to celebrate today so we reveled in them both.
I think the last time I talked about your brother on here was the night before he was born. Oh, I was feeling so emotional at the thought of you giving up your only child status and the thought of going back to newborn life when raising you had seemed to become so easy.
But before I go on....If I know anything in this world it is that my heart GREW on this day 1 year ago. It grew beyond the capacity I knew was possible and the two of you - together - complete our family.
Georgia, you are the BEST big sister we could've asked for. You have never once asked us to return him, you have never hit him, pushed him, you've hardly fussed at him, never whined when he was crying, and you always want him around. Okay truth - when you're trying to play Barbies and he comes over like the Michelin man rolling around and grabbing things ...you show a little irritation then, but only a little. :)
You entertain him. He LOVES watching you. You keep an eye out for his safety (as best as 4 year olds can). You suggest things you think he'd like (some on point...some a bit beyond his year). You can't wait for him to talk. To you, he's already said several words, real words, and that's okay - I'm sure one day you guys really will speak a language that only siblings understand.
You comfort him tirelessly. You are so extremely patient with him. Patient beyond your 4.5 years in my opinion. When he cries, you tell him it's going to be okay and that we're right here "Buddy." It's often while you've got one eye on the tv and/or your Barbie, but it's adorable nonetheless.
You like to tickle him too. You get that from your love of rough housing with your dad. Your version of tickling looks a little rough so we have to reel you in at times, but your dad and I think it's so cute when you guys laugh together.
You've given him nicknames like "Big Doughnut," "Goo goo," and "Nugget." Your casual use of these names as if they were his given name cracks me up every time.
Georgia - you are a funny girl with a genuine sense of humor and still one of the most contagious laughs I've ever heard.
Thank you for being our big helper this year and Preston's incredible Big Sister. We are so blessed by both of you.
And I leave you with this sweet peach, never forget that you'll always be his big sister. Don't let years or differences or distance break your bond. He's your only sibling. He'll be the only other one who knows what you endured by putting up with us, your parents, for 18 years. My wish for you is that you will be the best of friends and the love you share will be bursting at the seams.
Happy 1 year big sis. We are so proud of you!
Love,
Mom
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