Georgia,
If this was a highlight reel of our life, I wouldn't be doing you any favors.
And that's why I have to write this one:
A friend once shared with me: "Falling down is part of life. Getting back up is living."
I've never thought of life that way; not before now and I'm 37 years old. I thought life was relatively easy if you were a good person, smart, and capable.
And then I got knocked down.
It was about 5 weeks after your brother Preston was born, I was going to the chiropractor for unbearable sciatic pain. It was keeping me awake at night and killer when I was sitting trying to feed him. It was what I thought was...unbearable.
As each week passed, I noticed I was tripping over my right foot. The kicker was actually falling out of my front door onto the cement and tearing a hole in my favorite pants. I thought...WHAT IS GOING ON?
I started noticing I couldn't flex my right foot. You have to be able to flex your foot to walk properly.
And soon after that, it was - I couldn't move my toes.
As each week passed, I continued to ask questions...and the mobility of my foot dwindled. I finally went to Google: "can't flex right foot" and that's when I learned the term "drop foot."
Long story short, after seeing numerous specialists, it was determined I had drop foot - a paralysis of the nerve that controls the ability of the foot to flex for walking. No idea what caused it. When I finally got to the specialist who would ultimately help me, he said it could take a year or two to recover. He handed me a boot to wear during the day and a boot to wear at night. I.lost.my.mind. in that appointment. I cried the entire appointment; couldn't pull myself together. I couldn't fathom how I was supposed to care for a newborn, keep my job, be fun for my toddler, go up the stairs in my house, drive....my mind was so self-absorbed.
Two things I've learned, already, from this experience: step outside yourself. Ask for help and ask others. There is comfort in other's experiences and dealing with what feels like the 'unbearable'.
I cried and felt sorry for myself for a good week. I wrote down my fears and planned to discuss them with your dad. I even told him about the list, but didn't share it with him just yet.
Before we knew it, we were scheduled for surgery to release pressure off the nerve that was causing the paralysis. We had arranged for my mom to come for the week to help with child care and driving. And again...before we knew it, I was 'in recovery."
And "in recovery" I was. Almost immediately after surgery I was moving toes that hadn't moved in weeks. 2 weeks after surgery, I was flexing my foot the slightest little bit.
This grim prognosis of one to two years had turned into what I was willing to call - miraculous.
And the doc seemed just as impressed, releasing me to drive just 1 month after surgery.
When I put it in writing like this, it seems so insignificant and so trivial. But honey, when it's YOUR LIFE and it's not going as planned, it will feel different and that's when I want you to know: it's how you face it, how you deal with it, how you overcome it - that matters. It's your spirt and your prayer that matters.
Your character is not built in your highlight reel. It's not built during the good times. The good times are easy, my dear. It's built when things don't go as planned or are difficult...challenging. Don't suck at hard. I told your dad on the way to surgery, "I suck when life gets hard" and you know what...I don't. I was just scared at the idea of it being hard. I was scared that my list of fears would become reality.
Guess what? I never had to show your dad those list of fears because every single one was unrealized.
That, my dear, is keeping good company and having a wonderful support system and knowing God is good.
Your dad and I will do everything possible to afford you opportunity in this life, but we do you no good deed if we don't teach you how to do 'hard'. You don't want to suck at hard. You want to rock at hard.
You've got this girl. You can do it.
I love you dearly,
Mom
